He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
