nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
