Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
