He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
