If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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