I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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