So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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