I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
