..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
