We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
