sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
