I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
