unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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