you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
