I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
