I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
