By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
