he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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