meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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