I never want to see another naked old woman again.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
