We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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