Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
