drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
