sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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