I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
