problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
