Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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