I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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