we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
where does the pee come out of this thing
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
