went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i out mim tonsoeep
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