I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
