Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
