You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
