I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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