I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
