dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
