dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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