Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
