i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
