It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
