if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
