no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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