So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
