I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
