My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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