you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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