I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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