mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
