Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
