I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
