Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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