Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
