R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
