literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
