standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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