i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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