you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
